No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
