I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
operation harelip BJ is a go
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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