paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
