YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
