so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
