it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
