Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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