How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
