and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Randomize
