If that was your dad, he is hot
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
