I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
