i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
