When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
