Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
