If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
