Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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