a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
