What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
