toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think i scared a bird with my dick
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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