You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
