I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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