I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
