Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
