Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
