i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
