i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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