bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
