Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
