I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize