due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
pray to the hookup gods
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
