I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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