You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
