I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
