Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
