Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
