Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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