The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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