A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
