You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
