my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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