she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
