Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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