I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
