I just cut my nipple shaving
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
