Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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