can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
