new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
