the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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