the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Nicole vs. Life
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
