my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
