I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
