break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize