She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
