Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
