You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
