Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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