Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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