I cannot find my penis.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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