Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
