I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
