Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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