The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
