Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize