Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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