dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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