I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
