would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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